SG1 On Springer
by mishy-mo
Summary: Sg1 on springer and jack doesn't want to be there! Now it's Sam's turn! Chapter two now up! plez R&R (language content - PG-13)
1. Jack intro

Title: SG-1 On Springer  
  
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended solely for entertainment; no infringement is intended to MGM; Gekko or Double Secret Productions or the Jerry Springer Show.  
  
******************  
  
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
The crowd cheered as they always did as the opening credits began to fade out.  
  
"Hello and welcome to the show, today is going to be extra special as we have a group of four people how will be sorting out their work dynamic. These four people work for the military and do classified stuff." A huge ooohhhh and aaahhhh raised from the crowd around him." Yes folks that's right let have a big cheer for... SG-1!?!?!?"  
  
Equally as baffled as the presenter the crowd cheer still coming to the conclusion that they were in the military and were cool and mysterious; the name of the team only increased the suspense, the entire audience geared for a great show.  
  
"Ok, so let's get the leader of the group out here. Welcome Colonel Jack O'Neil."  
  
// It's got two l's you know!!//  
  
At this a grumpy colonel in his dress blues walked on stage, earning him a few wolf whistles some unsettlingly deeper than the average woman can whistle, and of course a huge cheer. Of course what else could they do as much as they like to boo everyone who comes on stage they didn't know anything about him other than he worked for the military which meant he probably had a gun, and because of this they cheered louder than usual.  
  
The colonel took a seat in the centre of the stage the only comforting thought being the three empty chairs next to him and the fact that they will soon be occupied with familiar faces.  
  
As the colonel sat the crowd stopped cheering at his gaze, clearly showing the authority he had over the audience.  
  
"Hi Jack. And welcome to the show."  
  
"Hi,"//and its so not nice to be here//  
  
"Ok Jack, it says here that you save the world for a living, is that true?"  
  
"Jesus," he cursed quietly, "WE save the world, yes."// The general said we could say so much so I'll stick with the safe stuff//  
  
Yet more oohhh's and aahhh's from the audience the colonel's fan club growing ever bigger with every word he said.  
  
"Yes of course you and your team, how many times off hand would you say you've saved the world."  
  
"Dozen or so," answers Jack  
  
The audience and the host are in complete shock.  
  
"Really?" asked a lone voice in the audience.  
  
"Yes," Said Jack flatly.  
  
He hated to admit it but he was really enjoying this, the confusion he was causing, usually it was him who had those looks, the one where your desperately trying to comprehend something or simply try to forget it so your brain isn't so screwed up. The audience had opted for the latter. He could tell because that was how he imagined his face to look when he was on the receiving end of some of Carter's techno-babble.  
  
"So," Jerry regains his composure, "you're single right?" Looking at his card desperately.  
  
//Here we go// "Yeah," he said dejectedly, "I'm single but I'm not looking." His pathetic attempt to stop the onslaught of wolf whistles and cheering.  
  
"So is there someone you've got in mind in particular, then." Asks Jerry, years of working in this place gave him an instinct, he knew the right buttons to press, the right questions to ask to make a good television show.  
  
"No" he said.  
  
He said too quickly for it to be true.  
  
"Jack." Said the host questioningly.  
  
"Jerry." In a distinct tone that said leave it. //Shit// he thought //years of black ops. training and I can't even lie to some stupid TV host, damn these cameras.  
  
"OK maybe we'll mention this later, in the mean time let's get someone else up here. Jack, why don't you do the honours and invite Samantha up here."  
  
"Whatever, right ok. Major Samantha Carter, my second-in-command, err she's really smart and has saved my ass more time than I can remember. K Carter your up!" 


	2. Sam intro

Title: SG-1 On Springer

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction intended solely for entertainment; no infringement is intended to MGM; Gekko or Double Secret Productions or the Jerry Springer Show.

by the way my indications of thought's didn't show up so give me a buzz if you can't work them out and i'll try to rearange something.

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"Whatever, right ok. Major Samantha Carter, my second-in-command, err she's really smart and has saved my ass more time than I can remember. K Carter your up!"

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A confidant Samantha Carter walked on stage, without screaming slanderous remarks at the man currently on stage or the crowd itself, a very rare occurrence on this show. She received the same kind of praise as her CO as she appeared from around the set, cheering and whistling sounded from the audience. It was also a very rare occurrence to have two gorgeous looking people on the show at the same time, the audience were very happy as they were definitely getting their moneys worth.

Jack caught up in the moment beamed a smile of pride and encouragement as the major walked across the set and took her rightful place by him. His smile was returned by that dazzler she possessed. Their gaze was locked until she was seated and the crowd's roars dulled.

god she's hot! And the only reason why I'm here

god he looks good, he's already bored with being here I can tell

'Well hello Samantha!' said the host.

The crowd roared in appreciation once again.

I wish they'd stop doing that

'So how are you today?'

'I'm fine Jerry' you slime ball!! And the man next to me is the only god damn reason I'm here

She put on her most passable fake smile.

'So how do you find saving the world as an occupation?'

What is with these lame ass questions ?!

'It's challenging, every week there is some new dilemma which we need to face or solve, it would make a great TV show idea actually, once every thing was declassified.'

Trust Carter to come up with a smart idea like that

'Yeah, sure.' Then whispers, 'some one want to buy me the rights to the name SG-1. Great.' The presenter screeches a little louder, 'Sam, is it true that you are considered the brains of the team?'

Huh?!?!?, well by the sound of my thoughts you'd think not

'Um, well we're all on the team for our own individual qualities and my knowledge of certain subjects is valuable on occasions'

Wow she's so polite why doesn't she just say...

'Yes I would consider Carter to be the smartest person on the team, it has been most of her ideas, with a little help, that have saved the world countless times.'

wow that was well said jack!

I never knew he could speak so eloquently! God he's hot went he talks like that!

'Well Jack that is interesting.'

Oh shit. What now?

Here we go some smart assed comment

'Because we did our research and compared your educations.'

'What?!?!' they said in unison.

'Yes, now Jack why would you say she is smarter than you when we found out that you have a professors degree in physics and astronomy and had written the textbook which Sam here later used for studying for here own doctorate in the subject.'

'You...'said Sam before she slipped in to shock and speechlessness.

let me think I was smarter than you, you bastard!

'Huh you think I'm smart enough to pull off something like that!!!'

SHIT ! Why the hell did he go and say that!

'Well let's just see what your university professor has to say!'

Audience go 'uh oh'

In walks a tall balding man not entirely dissimilar from general Hammond. He stopped half way to what was supposed to be his chair.

'I don't know him' said both men on stage simultaneously.

Thank god they screwed up Mason would have embarrassed the pants off me!

'Jerry,' Jack continued, ' I think your facts are screwed up big time.'

'But it says here that Colonel O'Neil is a professor of...'

'Ah see only one 'l' that's the colonel with no sense of humour, I have two 'l's you see.'

Did it work?

Really? Hang on one minute he looks to nervous for this to be a straight forward denial, some things going on here and I'm going to find out what they are

'Right ok,' said the host overly cheery well aware that the audience had taken a shine to the two guests and would turn on him any second.

[Maybe this show wasn't such a good idea after all]

'Stick with us till after the break when we meet the other two members of the team and some more surprise guests!'

'Oh Joy' muttered Jack.

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There we go there is chapter number two sorry it's taken so long it's been waiting in my computer for a while.

Hopefully the next one should be up sooner!!!!

Mishy

Please hit the little button... yup that little square one... yes I know it says GO on it ... do that and write something completely original like ... 'That was good please continue'... etc

Thanks


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